Why are we going camping, man?
by Perceptive
Summary: It was just another ordinary day at work for Itachi and the others. Between pissing Konan off and causing a ruckus in their department, they were called down to see their boss. Yahiko is a complete idiot who runs the show and spins around in his expensive leather chair all day. He just asked them all to go camping instead of firing them? AU setting and OOC for a few characters
1. Chapter 1: Camping?

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or these badass characters, sadly. I'm just using them to my satisfaction in a twisted story. /Evil laughs. **

FYI: Cubicles are a type of work office basically it's like a square with a small opening and if you were to stand up you'd see all the others with everyone else in them. Anyhow just pointing that out because someone asked me so I figured a few other people might not know. Also, Playboy magazines are basically pictures with women in next to nothing.

"Konan," he said as he looked up.

"Yes sir?"

"Go call the others in our department," absent-mindedly he fiddled with his tie.

Her eyebrows furrowed. "Your office is too small sir."

"Oh? Not everyone, just the guys."

"Right away, sir." Oh he meant _them. _Konan tried to supress the annoyance and irritation she felt. She swiftly opened the door and almost made it out before her name was called again.

"Konan~~~~~~~~"

She sighed heavily. "Yes?"

"Don't call me sir while we're alone." He pouted. Pein has known Konan since they were young. They're childhood friends. So even though he's some boss at some big company and Konan is his assistant, he still expects her to call him; Yahiko.

She mentally rolled her eyes. Of course he'd make some childish request at work. "Sorry Yahi, we're at work you know."

He beamed brightly. She still said his name anyhow. "Tell them, I want to see them before lunch."

"Alright," with that she quietly closed the door and maneuvered her way through the cubicles. She continued weaving through until she heard the rowdy noise the _guys _were making.

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There they were sitting together clustered into one cubicle, all doing various sorts of things. Deidara was busy painting his nails, Kakuzu was doing his taxes, Kisame was having a light conversation with Sasori, Hidan and Zetsu were reading magazines and Itachi was actually working. After all, it was his cubicle they were occupying.

Zetsu was the first one to notice her presence. "Hey guys look, it's Konan-chan," he said whilst looking up from his playboy magazine. "Came to visit me, sugar?"

"Zetsu," she nodded curtly before scanning through the group for the level-headed one of the bunch. Their eyes met at the same time. "Actually, I came looking for Itachi. Maybe next time," she glanced sideways at the pervert.

"Itachi's no fun." He waved towards the long haired male.

"He's plenty of fun, y'know we go fishing on Saturdays all the time." Kisame came to his defense.

"Hmm, Itachi fun? I had no clue." The redhead tapped his arm, patiently waiting for Kisame's attention.

Hidan elbowed his green haired buddy, "I always thought he had a pencil up his fuckin ass."

Zetsu elbowed him back. "I'm sure he does." They both waggled their eyebrows at the said male.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "Are you sure you two aren't the ones with something up your butts?"

Deidara ignored the others little squabble about Itachi and gave Konan a once over. Stress was evident in her features; it also looked like she'd been ignoring her appearance, "Konan?"

She was too focused on the little argument; she barely heard her name being said, "Uh, yeah?"

"I could do your nails for you. Oh and your hair needs some immediate help." He said while looking through his mini beauty kit.

"Your nails are chipped." The jashinist bluntly said.

"Now that you mention it, her hair does have split ends." Zetsu added.

The conversation had piqued the interest of the others as well. They all started chiming in with their opinions.

"Her cheeks could use some colour too." Kisame interjected.

"She looks like a lifeless doll." Sasori scoffed.

"Huh?" She was dumbfounded. Were they all criticizing her appearance?

"Well, I could do your taxes for you." Kakuzu nodded thoughtfully. "Of course you'd have to pay me though."

Itachi finally decided to step in. "She looks perfectly fine and Kakuzu, no one needs your expensive tax services." He glared at everyone except for Konan.

"I give friends discounts though." He gestured towards Konan.

"We were just trying to help." The rest muttered in unison.

"Still too expensive and you were all being rude." His sharp yet, quiet voice caused them all to shrink against the wall. Who knew what he was planning to do to them? He glanced back at Konan and smiled slightly. "You look great; they don't even know much about fashion to begin with." He waved his hand dismissively.

Deidara's eyes narrowed. "I know more about fashion than anyone else in here."

"HEY! We know about fashion too." Zetsu and Hidan showed Itachi a copy of their latest playboy magazine at the same time.

Kisame scratched his head. "Well, I know next to nothin' but she could use a girl moment with Dei."

"A girl moment?" Kakuzu questioned.

"He does look like a woman." Hidan snickered.

Zetsu nodded in agreement.

Sasori eyed the two carefully, "Don't you both have a thing for blondes?"

"Hell yeah!"

The violet eyed male gave the blonde male a once over, then a twice over; scrutinizing every single detail, "Definitely."

Deidara blew his nails carefully. "I am a man, you know; not a playgirl from your stupid magazines."

"So what? I'm a man too. Besides you're beautiful like a woman, so I wouldn't mind." He winked.

Deidara rolled his eyes and turned away.

Konan finally gaining her wits back snapped at them and mentioned why she was actually here. "Hey blockheads I didn't come here for a makeover, okay? Actually the boss wants to see you all before lunch. I'm sure he wants to fire you dipshits, so don't be late." She stormed out of the crowded cubicle.

Itachi sighed. "See guys? Now she's freaking pissed, man." He banged his head against the desk.

Konan gets mad at them every now and then. Angry Konan equates to hell for the WHOLE department and hell for the WHOLE department means _special hell_ for their team. Not only does Konan make their lives miserable after that but everyone else within a 5 kilometre radius does too. Itachi smirked to himself at first, and then started laughing uncontrollably.

They barely paid him any attention. Everyone knew Itachi would be the first to worry about Konan's anger, and then he'd smile because she wouldn't bother him. After that, he'd realize the rest of the group depending on each individual would be in various levels of danger which would cause him to laugh like an insane clown.

Zetsu and Hidan shared a look. "Shit." They said at the same time.

"That's right you both are next to dead." He said while trying to regain his composure.

"Kisame, I didn't say anything unforgivable, right?" Sasori pondered.

"You did say she looked like a lifeless doll."

"But that's not so bad, I could of said worse things like idiot 1 and idiot 2."

"WHAT? WE'RE NOT IDIOTS AND YOU DID SAY THE MOST HORRIBLE THINGS!"

Fixing his hair, he barely spared them a glance. "At least you've mastered synchronized yelling before death. I on the other hand just offered her a manicure and maybe a haircut. I'll be spared."

Kakuzu nodded in agreement. "I should be safe too; I was going to her taxes for a nice discounted price."

"What're you all worried about?" Kakashi leaned over his cubicle and asked wondering why the loudest team in the department were being louder than usual.

Guy and Yamato peeked over their cubicles as well.

"Ya don't think they pissed Konan off?" Yamato asked both Kakashi and Guy.

"I think they did. BUT DON'T WORRY YAMMY, AFTER THE STORM THEY'LL ALL BE GONE! SHE MUST BE THINKING OF SOME WAY TO HAVE THEM TRANSFERRED!" Guy gave Yamato a reassuring smile and a thumb up.

"I'll kind of miss Itachi though. He's the thoughtful one here." Kakashi said more to himself.

Sasori rolled his eyes at the trio. "Deep deep- DEEP down in that ice cold heart of hers, she secretly loves us."

"She really loves us." Zetsu and Hidan insinuated.

"No one loves either of you," Yamato stated, speaking on the behalf of maybe 90% of the building.

"Oh come on _Yammy, you love us."_

He shook his head.

Hidan flipped his hair while Zetsu snapped in a z formation. "We have better fans, bitch."

At that point in time, everyone rolled their eyes dramatically.

Itachi looked at his watch. It was 11:40 AM. "Attention morons. We have to visit Yahiko right about now." He got out of his seat and headed for the opening in his cubicle; he turned around and quickly waved at the trio. "Thanks for the concern guys but, we'll be fine. She should be mad at them for a week at the most."

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Everyone else quickly fell into step after Itachi. They would have looked like a bunch of badasses if everyone in the entire office didn't know how they actually behaved. Except for Itachi; all the women and men alike secretly admired his looks and personality. His deep onyx eyes, long raven hair and medium build have all the ladies swooning.

The rest of the guys weren't so bad looking either, but they definitely didn't come on as the boyfriend type. Zetsu and Hidan are complete perverts always talking in sync; besides that having they both have their own individual personalities and taste. Kakuzu loves saving money to a crazy extent, Deidara cares too much for his appearance and self, Sasori hates people in general and Kisame likes fishing more than anything.

Zetsu's a moron who loves reading anything with scanty clad women involved. He has topaz coloured eyes and unnaturally pale skin. He dyes his hair green every month to keep his natural colour from showing of course he has Kakuzu dye it for him instead of the salon, so it comes out as a really shitty olive every single time.

Hidan is complete asshole; he says anything and everything without considering anyone's feelings. He curses often however, at work he tries to tone it down. His hair is naturally silver and his eyes are vividly violet. When he started working, Zetsu's cubicle was close to his own. The two became friends very quickly and after being introduced to the world of swimsuit magazines by Zetsu, the two have become known as the pervert duo.

Ever since Kakuzu has known about money it's become the main focus of his life. He'll do anything to earn and save it. Itachi once said he'd probably end up marrying a twenty dollar bill. He's a very tall man towering over everyone in the building, except for Kisame. He's very tan with long dark brown hair and odd green eyes. In his spare time he likes doing Zetsu's hair and baking cakes.

His hair and nails are done frequently, his skin; flawless, which leads to him being single, most of the time. After all he looks better than most females. He's also often teased by Zetsu and Hidan for this. Deidara has lengthy blonde hair and blue eyes. He also has a very slim frame which he often emphasizes.

Sasori is pretty anti-social. Personally, he only hangs around these idiots and respects maybe Itachi and Kisame, the only two of the group who could be considered sane. He's very opinionated and will make it known when he's annoyed. He's the shortest of the bunch with striking red hair and wide brown eyes that are often narrowed.

Kisame has midnight blue hair and tinted blue skin, probably because he frequently goes ice fishing causing him to receive frostbite all the time. He's probably the tallest person in this building standing at 6'3". He enjoys fishing, working out at the gym and ruffling Sasori's feathers. He often spars with Hidan since they're always competing to see who's the strongest.

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Itachi was about to open the door with the others behind him, when suddenly Deidara shrieked.

"You freaking idiot! This shirt costs so much and you almost got shit on my hair." He quickly moved his hair away from the mess his shirt became. "Shit, it's hot too. We're you trying to kill me?" He glared at the person who ran into him.

Itachi turned around. He easily spotted the blonde who was silently cursing and wincing. He looked down towards the poor klutz who bumped into him. He was wearing a simple black sweater which was now covered in sugar and tea, his hair was black and disheveled for its short length. His eyes were black and now evident with panic. Itachi walked over to the male and offered his hand. "Need some help up?"

"ITACHI THAT LUNATIC ALMOST RUINED MY HAIR." He yelled at the calm man.

"Your hair survived didn't it?" He continued to stare at the clumsy guy. "So, are you going to get up?"

"Hey Deidara, isn't that shirt burning that perfectly flawless skin of yours?" Zetsu inquired.

Hidan nodded. "You should take it off."

He stared them both levelly in the eyes. "Fuck off."

Kakuzu placed a hand on the blonde's shoulder and steered him off to the direction of the closest washroom. "Itachi we'll be back after Dei cleans up," he said while walking away.

"Sure thing, we'll wait for you guys."

Sasori observed the clumsy person. "Is he mute or did he get traumatized?"

"Deidara didn't even have a chance to throw a proper bitch tantrum." Kisame laughed lightly. "I don't know why he's so scared."

"We're all used to it that's why it's not so bad." Hidan rolled his eyes.

"Oh please. Last time you were cowering into the wall when he realized you hid his hair straightener." He retorted.

"I didn't. You were a scared pussy when he noticed you used some of his nail polish to make some kind of shitty fish bait." Hidan smirked.

"It wasn't as bad as last week when I beat you at the gym." He stated smugly.

"We can have a rematch right here asshole. I can totally kick your ass before Kakuzu and Deidara come back."

"You said that last time and the time before that." He grinned showing his sharp teeth.

"I'm betting on Hidan, what about you Saso-chaaaan~?" He looked over to the red head.

"Don't call me that. It's not like Konan would let them have an all-out battle right in front of Yahiko's office." He jabbed Zetsu with his elbow.

At the mention of her name everyone cringed, especially Kisame and Hidan. They glared at each other for a moment than realized their "rematch" would have to wait.

"Later." They said at the same time.

"Konan's pretty nice."

They all looked over towards the disheveled male.

"She sure is, especially when she sees the mess you've made." The red head sneered.

Itachi chuckled lightly and helped him up. "Are you new here? What's your name?"

"Tobi and I are. I didn't mean to make a mess and upset blondie." He teared up.

Itachi's eyebrow arched. "It is fine; he was a bit cranky beforehand."

"Oh really he's not mad at me?!" A huge smile broke out on his face.

Not wanting to ruin Tobi's sudden mood change. He smiled and nodded.

Konan suddenly appeared. "Tobi what's wrong?" She looked at the mess and at everyone else. "What did you idiots do?" She glared daggers into everyone, including Itachi.

"It's my fault. I ran into them. Sorry!" he bowed his head.

Her gaze softened tremendously, "It's alright hun, and it's your first day of work after all these things happen." Her gaze turned to steel when she looked at the others again. "Go inside. He's waiting. I'll help Tobi clean this mess up." She counted them silently in her head. "Where's the other two?"

"They'll be here shortly." Itachi replied and quickly opened the door, ushering everyone else in before himself before Konan could ask any more questions.

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"HEY GUYS!" Yahiko said while spinning around in his chair.

They all wore a stupefied look, even Itachi.

"How is this guy our boss?" Sasori muttered to himself.

Itachi nodded. "Morning."

He finally stopped spinning around and tried to focus his eyes. "Woah man, I'm so dizzy."

Hidan and Zetsu we're trying their hardest not to laugh.

"Ah. Where's my man Kakuzu? Oh, I don't see Deidara either." He scratched his head.

"They'll be here in a second." Kisame added.

Right on cue, the two walked in. Deidara was wearing a completely different new shirt and was clearly in a better mood. Kakuzu glance over at their supposed boss. He looked like a complete whack job. He mentally slapped his forehead. Where did they find this guy?

"You know guys; out of everyone in this building I think you all are the coolest." He tapped his lip trying to figure out what else he was going to say.

"Gee thanks." Hidan grinned.

The ginger held up his finger as to show he wasn't done yet.

"So I didn't call you down here to tell you how awesome you guys are, relax Itachi. Uncle wouldn't hire a total dimwit to be your boss."

Yes, Yahiko is a total dimwit and a boss because his uncle happens to own the company.

He ran his fingers through his hair. "I wasn't worried at all. You're pretty good at running this place."

They all gave him a knowing look, except for Yahiko. His face screamed liar even though he gave nothing away.

Kisame was a bit confused. He was already focusing on Itachi yet he called all of them here. "Why'd you call us all down, Boss? Itachi could have come alone."

He waved his hand back and forth, slightly getting distracted.

"Boss?"

He looked up from his arm and placed it flat onto his desk. "Sorry. Uh, actually I wanted to see if you all wanted to go camping with me on Friday."

"Huh?" they said in unison.

"C-a-m-p-i-n-g, with me." He said slowly enunciating every word.

They looked at each other's faces wondering if they heard right.

"Are we going to go fishing too?" Kisame wondered.

"Yeah! There's a lake nearby. Uncle says we can stay at his cottage."

"Okay, I'm in." the blue haired male quickly made up his mind. He looked over at Hidan. "Looks like I won't be at the gym Saturday."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I'm going too asshole. Obviously I'll catch more fish than you."

"Sure you will." Kisame grinned accepting Hidan's challenge.

"If there's indoor plumbing, I'll go too." Deidara stated.

"Hmm, I don't have to spend any money right?" Kakuzu mentally counted his allowance.

"I could use the fresh air." Sasori thought outloud.

"I want to come too!" Zetsu yelled enthusiastically.

"NO." Yahiko suddenly said.

"What? You changed your mind?" Itachi asked.

"No no." he said while waving dismissively. "Zetsu can't come."

"Why not?" He whined.

"Cause, Konan is."

Hidan looked over at Yahiko, kind of pissed Zetsu was being left out. "So what if she is?"

"She's my future wife. Zetsu can't have her!" he said while childishly stomping his feet and frowning.

Itachi slapped his forehead. "Of course he can't and you should have given us an earlier warning. It is Thursday."

"Huh? It completely slipped my mind."

"Itachi's right. How are we supposed to pack?" Deidara glared at the careless man. He obviously wouldn't be able to pack EVERYTHING he needed by tomorrow.

"Well go pack now." He simply said.

"Of course we'll go pack now while we have _work_." Sasori reminded him

Yahiko pointed to himself. "I'm the boss, I say you can leave work and pack so go go go!" he exclaimed.

Itachi nodded and slowly left the room with everyone else.

"Itachi." They all turned towards him after leaving the room.

"Yeah?" he answered.

"WHY DO WE WORK FOR THIS IDIOT?"

**A/n: **I came up with this idea by chance. I completely OOC'd many characters. Don't kill me! It's how I'd think they'd act minus fighting and evil intentions. Well except for Zetsu and Yahiko, that was purely for entertainment. I'd appreciate reviews and such since this is the first time I've published anything. Criticism is welcomed! I need to brush up on my writing skills, man. I have a habit of saying "man" a lot so mind it if it shows up in my story a lot. I DO PLAN TO THICKEN THIS PLOT TREMENDOUSLY. This was just a introduction of the sorts. Thanks for reading, I'll update soon. ~Percy-san. 8D


	2. Chapter 2:Where's my hair straightener?

_**Disclaimer:**_ Yeah, I still don't own Naruto or these bad ass characters and I never will because I'm not as cool as Kishimoto but, you should still read my story. xD

**CHAPTER 2**

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As Itachi drove home he couldn't help but wonder what was up to. Hiring his senseless nephew from overseas to run one of his major companies? He glanced into his rearview mirror watching the broke idiots he had to drive home. "When are you going to get a car Kakuzu?"

He scratched his head. "They're expensive and besides you all have cars so I can get a ride anytime."

"What about you Sasori?"

"I don't want to learn how to drive these death machines." His eyes narrowed. "They're dangerous."

"They're not so bad. Kisame, why am I driving you home? You have your own car." He barely spared him a glance before focusing all his attention on the road.

"Cause y'know I ran out of gas and I forgot to refill the tank."

"I did remind you. You're so scatter brained. You don't remember shit. I even have to remind you to wear underwear." The redhead rolled his eyes. He always has to remind Kisame to do many things. He even has to let him live with him for the time being. He forgot to pay his rent and his landlord was tired of the everlasting fish odor in the building so, he was evicted.

The blue haired male simply shrugged. "I'll remember next time."

Itachi raised his eyebrow, but said nothing.

"You call him to remind him of all of these things? You're not a bad guy Saso." Kakuzu smiled and ruffled the male's hair.

He cursed under his breath while blushing slightly in embarrassment. "Actually, Kisame moved in with me."

Itachi's eyebrow went up a few more millimetres. His curiosity got the better of him. "Are you guys…?"

"We're just good friends." Kisame said.

"Mhm." Sasori muttered still quite embarrassed.

"Kakuzu he doesn't even help me with rent." Sasori exclaimed.

"Remind him to." Itachi commented.

Kakuzu fiddled with his seatbelt. "Well… we're friends I wouldn't pay either."

"Shitty freeloaders." He mumbled quietly.

The raven haired male still heard and laughed quietly.

A while after and they arrived where Kakuzu lived. The neighbourhood was decent… There were a few broken windows here and there atleast the houses and apartments were still standing, kind of.

"Why on earth do you live here?" Sasori asked, looking at the apartment in disbelief.

"It's nice and cheap." He took his time and got out of the car, waving to the others as they drove off.

As they drove off, Itachi flicked on the radio and searched for his favorite station.

Kisame turned around and looked at the backseat. "I think he should live with us Sasori."

"Sure, if you pay rent for both you and him." Sasori smirked. He wasn't money obsessed however; if he didn't have to pay rent he could afford a lot of different luxuries.

Kisame frowned. "That's not fair."

"Life isn't either." The red head stated.

Itachi ignored them by raising the volume of his music. The music was incredibly loud, causing all attempts of conversation to be futile. A few minutes later he drove up his driveway; he parked the sleek black car and got out of the vehicle. He then tapped on the window of the driver side, hinting they should exit as well.

"This isn't our house." Kisame said.

"_Obviously not._" Sarcasm heavily dripped from Sasori's tone. "_Why _are we here Itachi? You heard that fool at work, we _have_ to pack."

"Yeah, so?" he replied.

"We have nothing to pack at your house." Sasori grumbled. Why did he have to explain such an obvious thing to Itachi? Did he finally catch the disease the other nut jobs have?

Itachi slowly nodded, playing along with Sasori. "You should go home and pack then."

A minute or two later the two males picked up on what Itachi meant.

"YOU WANT US TO WALK HOME?!" They said, or rather yelled in disbelief.

"Oh, you guys want to walk home? Sure knock yourselves out." He smiled slightly before turning away from them and walking into his house before they could recover.

"Did he just tell us to walk for an hour?" Kisame asked still stunned.

Sasori muttering strings of profanity grabbed the lost male's hand and started their hour long journey home.

"Are you sure you should have just left them to walk?" Sasuke laughed.

"Yeah, they have rent issues they need to fix which are too bothersome to be resolved in my car. It was giving me a headache." He said while massaging his temple.

"So you just dumped them out at our house?" the younger male grinned slyly.

"Precisely. Anyhow, for the weekend you're completely on your own. I have to go camping with the guys and our new boss."

"Sweeeeeeeeeet."

"No one's allowed over, no wild parties, no girls OR boys. Got it?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I'm not into Naruto, baka."

The older brother plopped onto the sofa, "That other girl then?"

"Which one bro? There's a lot of them." Clearly proud of himself he couldn't help but widen his grin.

He scratched his head. "I don't have a clue. Anyways I need to go pack now." He slowly got up and dragged himself towards his room.

Sasuke observed his older brother, "You should really get a girlfriend."

Itachi glanced back at the younger male. "Women are complicated. I like to keep it simple."

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"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidaaaaaaan~~~"

"What Zetsu?" he sighed, exasperated.

"Why can't I go?" he pouted.

"Cause, he's one jealous fucker." He scowled. Why else would he get pissy about Zetsu and the few innuendos he throws at Konan?

"Can't you just tell me where you're all going and I'll come." The green haired male schemed.

Hidan shook his head. "That'd work if I knew where we were going, but I don't. So, see you when we get back."

Zetsu waved bye to his friend and walked the rest of the way home in a sullen mood.

As soon as Deidara got home he became a living tornado, throwing random items either into his luggage or onto the floor. He was almost done when he realized he was missing his hair straightener. He looked EVERYWHERE for it. He remembered once the guys made a game out of hiding it before; he decided it's time he called all of those bastards. The trick was how to get them all on the phone at the same time… He shrugged he'll do it somehow.

"Hello?" Both Kisame and Itachi answered simultaneously.

"Guys! It's important please call everyone else right away." The blonde pleaded.

"What's wrong?" the raven haired male was worried because of the desperate tone of Deidara's voice.

"Just call them." He begged.

"I'll call Sasori and Kakuzu. Hold on Dei." Kisame quickly flicked over to the other line and dialed away.

"I'll call Hidan and Zetsu, I guess." Itachi sighed, obviously this was important.

"What do you want Kisame?"

"Hello?"

"What bitch?"

"Hey Itachi."

"Deidara called for a conference, kind of thing." Kisame explained.

"Deidara?" They asked.

"Now that I've got all of your attentions." He sniffled, "I'd like to ask you all something."

"What's wrong Dei?" Hidan asked actually concerned about the blonde for once.

"WHICH ONE OF YOU HAS MY FUCKING HAIR STRAIGHTENER?"

Besides being nearly deaf the others were dumbfounded. Deidara's straightner was missing. This was a serious problem. They all thanked the heavens. If they were in person with the fashionista, surely they would have been dead by now.

"HIDAN? IS IT YOU? I WILL FIND YOU AND TEAR OFF YOUR PRIDE AND JOY." He shrieked.

The Jashinist gulped loudly. "Wasn't me. Maybe it was Zetsu. NO IT WAS DEFINITELY ZETSU!"

"Pussy." Kisame whispered into the phone.

"Shut up fish hugger." He growled. Nothing's scarier than Deidara with a bad hair day.

Kisame tried his damn hardest not to laugh outloud, for if he did Deidara might slaughter them all before he could even get a chance to go fishing tomorrow, so for the love of all fishing he kept quiet.

"ZETSU. IT COSTS MORE THAN YOUR HOUSE. IT'S FREAKIN' SPECIAL EDITION."

"I don't have it. I-I swear..." He stuttered. He honestly didn't have it. Hidan and Kisame were the ones who always hid his things not Zetsu.

Deidara began screaming at them all. Promising death in more than a thousand ways, torture and just about anything else you can imagine.

Phone blood bathes weren't Itachi's thing. He quickly tried to calm him down. "Deidara are you sure you've checked everywhere? That house you live in has about five bathrooms."

The blonde paused for a second ceasing his rant. "Now that you mention it, I forgot a few places. One sec~" he left his phone down and quickly went around the house, checking the forgotten areas.

"Thank Jashin." Hidan sighed.

"Who's Jashin?" Sasori asked a tad curious.

"My god." He answered. "Thanks to him we're well and alive."

He snickered. "I didn't know Itachi was considered a god to you.

"I didn't know I was either." It wasn't hard to tell that the said male was grinning.

"He receives anal from pencils, he's my ideal god." Hidan emphasized every word.

"I can't tell if he's being serious or sarcastic." Kisame said thoughtfully.

"Cause you're a fish brain." The silver haired male laughed.

Kakuzu slapped his forehead. "Oh shut up. You're both brainless." They could be so annoying sometimes.

"Sure thing, grouch."

"Sorry Kakuzu." Kisame quickly apologized.

"No worries buddy and Hidan not everyone can put up with your mindless banter for eternity." He snapped.

"Oh jeez. Calm your panties and since when is talking about my religion mindless banter, asshole?" he growled.

"I've never heard of it. My best guess is, it's not really important. Also, since you follow it I assume it's for psychos only." The red head bluntly said what he was thinking.

"What the fuck's wrong with you all? Shit." Hidan scratched his head.

"Nothing." Sasori mumbled.

"We had to walk home." Kisame chuckled softly. Sasori was extra pissed because of this. Personally he enjoyed walking with the male hand in hand, laughing at the cute faces he was making and rant the red head was mumbling about all the way home.

"Weren't you guys hitching a ride with Itachi?" he asked.

"We did." Sasori stated.

Itachi muffled his laughter and listened to the current conversation.

"And…?" The jashinist smirked. Something happened, perhaps the oh so expensive car broke down.

"He left us in front of his house." The red head snapped.

Hidan and Itachi burst into laughter at the same time. They couldn't help it. Sasori's expression must have been something to see.

Kisame chuckled quietly. "We had quite an adventure so excuse his behaviour."

"Itachi you're such an ass. I thought I was rude but you're worse, man." Hidan managed to say between laughs.

"I was just lazy" He quieted down. "and I'm very sorry Sasori. I didn't mean to leave you both stranded but, I could tell you had some… _personal issues _to deal with."

"Personal issues?" the pair inquired.

Hidan snickered in anticipation. By the sound of Itachi's voice, this phone call was going to get a lot more interesting.

"Well… since you two moved in together and we're discussing complicated matters in my car I figured

You guys needed more time to talk about your….. Relationship."

"I found the straightener and what?!" Deidara nearly dropped his precious hair iron.

Did Kakuzu hear right? Kisame and Sasori? He was trying to read the newspaper in peace and now he was on the verge of a heart attack. "hghgnfkdsks" No reasonable sound came out of his mouth.

Zetsu yawned. "Not surprised. I always thought they were fucking."

If they all could see Hidan and his slacked jaw I'm sure they'd be surprised, however he quickly recovered. "Uh, congrats guys?"

"WE ARE NOT TOGETHER." Sasori glared at nothing in particular.

Kisame rubbed his ear. "Ouch. I can hear you through the phone and house."

"Well since Dei found his hair wand we can finish packing. See you guys tomorrow." Itachi hung up and began packing.

When Itachi hung up, Zetsu and Hidan automatically disconnected. Hidan laughed at the oddest conversation he's been in while he looked around for the things he'd need for the weekend. Zetsu yawned and began plotting some kind of plan.

"I guess we should all hang up too." Kisame said a few moments later.

They all said short goodbyes and hung up.

Sasori paced around the living room.

"What's wrong?" Kisame asked his roommate.

"When I see that Itachi, I'm going to kill him. What was he saying? He knows we're not dating or anything." He shook his head angrily.

The blue haired male shrugged. "No big deal."

Sasori glared at the relaxed male sitting on the sofa. "What do you mean?"

"The guys couldn't care less about what we do or who we date." He gestured towards himself and the shorter male. "Besides, there's nothing going on between us."

Sasori stammered and blushed. He was getting worked up over nothing.

The blue haired male patted the extra space on the sofa and grinned. "Relax. It's nothing to worry about. Itachi is a bastard, we all know that."

"Hmph." He sat beside his roommate.

Kisame ruffled the male's hair. "You should shower before we go to bed."

"Mhm." he leaned onto Kisame's side and quickly fell asleep.

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FRIDAY: 9:53 AM.

Kisame yawned loudly and stretched. "Shit my neck hurts." He looked down remembering the tiny red head beside him. Trying not to wake him up, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell. 9:53 AM. "OH SHIT!" There was no meeting time, however he was sure the two of them were pretty late.

Sasori jumped at the voice above him. "What's wrong?" he asked still sleepy.

The blue haired male ran his fingers through his hair. "Shit. I can't believe we fell asleep so early and woke up so late."

"Hmm? What time is it?" Sasori rubbed his eyes.

Kisame yanked the shorter male to feet. "Almost 10. We have got to go like now."

Sasori stumbled and landed back onto the chair. He continued rubbing his eyes. "Warn me the next time you're going to do that." He scowled.

"I'm going to shower quickly, When I'm finished you can, okay?" Kisame crossed his arms.

"Mhm." Sasori nodded, already half asleep.

Kisame leaned over and brushed the hair out of the sleeping male's eyes. He entered the bathroom soon after. He decided to call Itachi before showering. "Hello?"

"Kisame?" the raven haired male whispered into the phone. Plenty of noise could be heard in the background.

"Why are you whispering Itachi?"

"Did he finally get a girlfriend? He's being so secretive."

"Where's fucking fish breath and bitchy red riding cock?"

Itachi covered the mouthpiece and glanced over at the restless group. "Sasuke was asking where the tv remote is. He can't seem to find it."

"I thought that kid would call you for a pack of condoms. Some sex drive youngsters have these days." Kakuzu shook his head in wonder.

Kisame rolled his eyes. He has to come up with a better nickname for Hidan. "We'll be there in about 15 minutes. I filled the gas tank last night."

"Alright, I'll hold off Yahiko and the rest of them for 10 minutes. You owe me one." Itachi sighed.

"Fine fine." Kisame laughed. Maybe the two of them could watch one of those chick flicks Itachi loves; his treat.

"Bye." The line went dead.

Kisame scratched his head. There's no way he could take a shower, get dressed, and wait for Sasori to do the same. He decided they should leave now. Kisame went to their bedroom and carried the luggage to the living room. All the time he spends at the gym paid off. He was able to cradle Sasori with one hand and carry the bags with his other. He also managed to close the door and lock it. He smirked to himself, Hidan definitely couldn't do this. When he got to his notsobad looking Honda, he threw the bags into the trunk of the light blue car. They landed with a loud thud. He looked down at the male snuggling his chest, his smirk widened. Good thing he didn't wake up. The red head would probably be pissed and flustered for the rest of the week. He slid the slender male into the car soon following after. After putting on both of their seatbelts, he drove as fast as he could safely manage heading towards the office.

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A few minutes later they arrived at the front of the building. The first thing he noticed was the _**vehicle**_. "Holy shit." He whistled. He quickly parked his car and went over to the side of the monster bus, leaving Sasori and the bags in the car.

"Where the fuck were you?" Hidan glared at the male casually walking towards the group.

Kisame shrugged. "Sorry I was sleeping."

Itachi sighed. "Took you long enough."

"Sorry Tachi." He coughed and looked around. "Where are Konan and Yahiko?"

"She's comforting him in the bus." Itachi's features flooded with relief.

"Huh?" Kisame wondered why Yahiko would need comforting.

"He's crying like a little bitch. Since you and Saso took forever to get here. Where's your wife by the

way?" the violet eyed male said.

Kisame rolled his eyes. "That guy is way too dramatic and my beautiful wife is currently asleep in the car."

"Sleeping beauty huh?" Hidan smirked.

"Let Yahiko know you're here. I'll get your luggage." Kakuzu took the keys out of Kisame's hand and ushered him towards the bus. "You go too Hidan. We're leaving as soon as I'm done."

"Okay okay I'm going." He stopped after taking a few steps, "wait, I need to get Sasori."

"Leave it to me." Itachi said.

Hidan and Kisame entered the vehicle. Their minds were blown. The interior was HUGE. It was like a house on wheels. After the driver's seat there was a whole open area, resembling a living room. It was dark inside just as they had expected, various shades of black, white and red were what the colour scheme was made of. A kitchen could also be seen. Further down was a hallway; the two assumed that was where the sleeping quarters are located.

"This thing is way bigger on the inside." Hidan exclaimed.

"Huge." Kisame agreed.

"He has pretty good designers if you ask me." Deidara added. He was definitely impressed with the design. This kid was rich enough to hire someone of this calibre to decorate a bus? He grinned in approval. The only thing he would have changed was the choice of colours. Who would have known the energetic lunatic Yahiko had such gothic tastes.

They both glanced over to the corner where the sound came from. Deidara was sitting on a sofa with his legs crossed and hands interlocked behind his head.

"Oh hey Dei, you sure look happy." Kisame waved in surprise.

Deidara smiled widely at the blue haired male. "I thought we'd be in the middle of nowhere with no showers or flushable toliets."

"If I had known you were sitting here all alone by your pretty self, I would have graced you with my presence a long time ago." The silver haired male winked and said as seductively as he could manage.

Deidara closed his eyes and scowled in annoyance. "When will you stop fucking around?"

Kisame scratched his head. "Well, I'll be off to find Yahiko now."

"Second door to your left." Deidara pointed towards it.

Hidan plopped down besides Dei and pouted. "When will you stop rejecting me?"

Deidara cracked an eye open to observe the male. He started giggling when he realized Hidan was pouting.

"What's so funny?" Hidan grunted.

"Your so cute." He continued giggling.

Hidan clutched his hands over his chest in an overly dramatic fashion. "I think you just killed my manliness."

Deidara burst into a fit of laughter. Who knew Hidan could be so funny.

Kisame smiled and walked towards the door, glad those two were getting along better than usual. He stopped right in front of the door and politely knocked. "Hey Konan, Yahiko I'm here. Sorry Sasori and I were so late." He said while twisting the knob.

"NO! Stay out." Konan shrieked and coughed afterwards.

"Eh? Konan you okay? You sound pretty bad." He frowned.

"I'm fine. Yahiko fell asleep. Tell Itachi to get driving the GPS has the location, he just needs to follow it's instructions." She said in between coughs.

"Alright Konan. We'll off in a few minutes then." He shrugged. Maybe the two were dating or something. Guess they'd need some privacy.

"What the fuck are you doing Itachi?!"

"Huh? Oh you're awake. I was bringing you into the bus."

"I can freakin' walk! Put me down." The red head snarled.

Kisame snorted. He didn't expect the tiny male to wake up at all. Itachi's done for. He walked back into the open area.

"Geez." Itachi quickly put Sasori down.

The short red head was extremely pissed. He elbowed Itachi's ribs as soon as he gained balance.

"Ouch! What was that for?" Itachi rubbed the spot that was hit.

"You could have waked me up. I don't need to be carried." He snapped.

Itachi rolled his eyes. "Kisame told me not to wake you up. How do you think you got out of the house? He carried you out. It's okay if he does how come you're so offended when I do?" he sighed.

Deidara snickered and braced himself on Hidan before he died from laughing. Hidan's eyes widen in surprise not only because of the contact between him and Deidara but also because, Itachi was begging to die. Sasori can be such an angry little thing. He didn't seem to happy yesterday after Itachi assumed Kisame and him were dating. Oh Jashin.

Sasori's eyes narrowed dangerously. "What are you saying?"

Itachi raised his eyebrow. "I'm saying just because I'm not your boyfriend Kisa-"

Itachi didn't have a chance to finish his sentence since Kakazu quickly covered his mouth. "Shhh." Kakuzu whispered into Itachi's ear.

Kisame sighed in relief and quickly went over to Sasori.

Sasori glared daggers into both Kisame and Itachi. "You carried me out this morning?"

Kisame looked towards the ground. "I didn't want to wake you up."

Sasori's glare softened. "Whatever." He brushed past them, sat beside Deidara and crossed his arms, pouting better than Hidan ever could.

"Oi. Itachi you idiot, start driving." Kakuzu said while removing his hand from the male's mouth. "Kisame. Tell him what Konan said."

"Oh." Kisame stopped staring at Sasori and looked at Kakuzu. "She said to follow the GPS. The route's already there. She's sick so, I think we have to take turns driving."

"Alright." Itachi straightened up and went over to the driver's seat. "This is Itachi, and I'll be your driver for today. Please fasten your seatbelts and enjoy the ride." He grinned wickedly. With that he made a wide U-TURN and drove off with an insane amount of speed.

Kakuzu who was still standing toppled onto Sasori and Deidara. Kisame ended up falling on his ass. Deidara ended up pressing Hidan into the wall causing the poor silver haired male to blush. And well, Itachi was laughing like a maniac.

"Itachi." Sasori growled.

"ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US?" Deidara and Kakuzu shouted.

Kisame laughed. "Slow down buddy."

Hidan didn't mind at all.

"Sorry sorry." He apologized grinning wider.

"Che. You're not sorry at all." Kakuzu quickly moved himself off of the two slender males. "Sorry guys. I didn't mean to crush you."

"It's fine." Sasori grumbled.

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"Konan~~" Yahiko whispered.

"I'm right here." The blue haired woman replied.

"Are we moving yet?" He yawned loudly.

"Mhm. Did Itachi's mad driving wake you up?" She frowned.

"It's okay you're here with me." He smiled sleepily with his eyes still closed.

"Of course darling." She narrowed her eyes, baring her teeth which could be perceived as a smile.

"We'll have a great weekend, _you and I_." She stroked the now sleeping male's hair.

Quick A/N: Okay so, first of all my apologies for taking about a month to update! To my defense, my laptop broke and all of that other horrible stuff. Here you go waaaay later than it should be. Hmm… What's Konan up to? I wonder… Also Kisame and Sasori are not a pair, I don't think they will be? So no, they're not the main pair.


	3. Chapter 3: Sleeping requirements

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Naruto, and I never will. HOWEVER, I** am** using the characters in my story. hehehehehe. **

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12:34 PM

…

Hidan paced the living area. They've been driving for hours now; he was feeling very impatient and bored. "How much longer Itachi?"

The raven haired male swerved onto another lane, causing Hidan to lose his balance. "I thought I said to fasten your seatbelt and enjoy the ride." He grinned wickedly.

Kakuzu saved Hidan from falling flat on his ass. "I also would like to know when we will get there."

The others nodded in agreement.

He debated for a few seconds but, decided to tell them anyhow, "About 72 more days."

"If you weren't driving right now I'd beat some sanity into your crazy ass." The silver haired male glared at the back of Itachi's head.

Itachi laughed quietly. "We'll be there in about 5 more hours."

"Why's this place so far?" Sasori muttered while smoothing Kisame's hair.

"I can't believe he fell asleep." Deidara eyed the sleeping male sprawled out on both him and Sasori.

"Must be tired since all they did last night was fuck." A muffled voice scoffed.

They all looked towards the hallway.

"Konan?" Hidan said in disbelief.

Sasori was too surprised to be angry.

"That was very un lady like, Zetsu." Itachi smirked.

"Zetsu?" Kakuzu's eyebrow rose.

Zetsu/Konan… came out into the living area where "she" could be seen. "Awwww Tachi couldn't you have let me have some fun?" Zetkona whined.

Deidara not being slow or unintelligent easily picked up on the current situation. "So where's Konan?' he inquired.

"Ah Konan, well I don't know what Itachi did with her." He flipped his wig. "I kind of don't care either."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "What did you do Itachi?"

"I left her in the trunk of someone's car." He shrugged nonchalantly.

Kakuzu nodded slowly "Well atleast we won't face her anger."

Hidan stared at them all in disbelief, was he the only sane person? Not that he was too sane in the first place. "I'm surrounded by nuts."

"I'm perfectly fine." The red head's eyes narrowed. "Itachi's not an idiot, you see."

"Of course not, thank you for your support." He nodded in approval. "Well Zetsu came up with a plan, it was stupid of course. He wanted to place her in the trunk of someone else's car, however we all know how much of a compassionate person I am so, I simply tied her up in my closet and left some salted crackers." He said while smiling, proud of himself and his "compassion".

"…"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" The trio shouted.

Kisame woke up with a start. "What is it Sasori?" he yawned sleepily. He looked around at the stunned faces and listened to Itachi's cheerful whistling.

"Good afternoon, Kisame-kuuun~" he said in a sugary voice.

"Uh, hey Zetsu." Kisame waved in surprise.

Zetkona gasped. "How did you know it was me?"

The blue haired male scratched his head sheepishly, "It's kinda obvious."

Kakuzu sighed. "Where's the newspaper?"

"Uh, here." Deidara handed him the papers.

"Thanks." He walked towards the hallway, "and which room is mine, Zetsu?"

Zetsu scratched his head; he hadn't planned this entire thing out. "Well we're sharing rooms of course!" he exclaimed enthusiastically.

Kakuzu cocked his eyebrow. "Sharing rooms? There must be enough space in here for all of us to have separate rooms."

"There's only enough for one person to have their own room. Sorry, but it's already occupied." The raven haired male chuckled.

Everyone rolled their eyes and quickly chose roommates.

"Zetsu and I will share a room" Hidan declared.

"So will Kisame and I" Sasori stated.

"Guess it's me and you Dei." Kakuzu smiled slightly.

"Yeah." Deidara nodded, returning the smile.

"Sorry to burst your bubbles, but you can't choose your roommates." Zetsu frowned.

"Why not?" Kisame asked.

"Yahiko chose them." Itachi sniggered in delight.

They groaned in unison. Jashin knows what else he planned out for them.

Zetsu pulled out the list. He sighed. "I don't agree with this, but I'm Konan right now." He began to read the list outloud. "Kisame and Kakuzu..."

They nodded. They got along well so this arrangement was not a problem.

Zetkona raised his index finger. "I'm not finished. Kisame and Kakuzu in the Sailormoon cosplay closet, Sasori and Hidan in the room containing this closet, Itachi has to share his room with Dei-chaaaan~" he finished in a sing-song voice.

"I Have To Share A Room?" Itachi spoke slowly and menacingly.

"Sailormoon cosplay?" Kisame cringed.

"Kisame is sharing a CLOSET with Kakuzu?" Sasori glared furiously towards the tanned male.

Kakuzu ignored the heated stare. "A closet? There's enough room for us to have a normal room."

"Is there cosplay in our room?" Hidan shuddered sparing a glance at Kisame.

Deidara shrugged. He had no complaints; he just has to share a normal room with Itachi.

"Guys! It's not my fault." Zetsu whined.

"Well, answer their questions." Itachi sulked.

"Ah right. Well it is a cosplay room and the closet is pretty large don't worry. I tried to talk him out of it but he said it was MY IDEA." Zetkona fixed his hair. "Konan loves us." He laughed darkly.

"Hmph. She set me up aswell." Itachi said, clearly irritated.

Kisame shugged. "We just have to sleep in a small place and be surrounded by a few costumes, not so bad."

Hidan nodded in agreement.

Itachi began laughing uncontrollably, Zetsu soon followed suit. Itachi quickly recovered and glanced into the rearview mirror. "We're talking about Konan here. Did you think that was all? Zetsu read the rest."

The "blue" haired male quickly skimmed down the list. "Ah yes, here it is. There's sleeping requirements. There's also a cosplay contest before bedtime."

"Sleeping requirements?" Kisame sulked.

"Cosplay contest?" Hidan growled.

"What is this?" Deidara stared at Zetsu in disbelief.

Kakuzu sat down and opened the newspaper. "Don't irritate Konan next time."

Kisame shook Kakuzu like a madman. "HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM? WE HAVE TO COSPLAY AS SAILORMOON CHARACTERS."

"And?" Kakuzu pulled Kisame's hand off his shirt and continued reading his newspaper.

"AND?! WE ALL HAVE TO WEAR SKIRTS." Hidan shrieked.

Kisame and Hidan huddled into the corner across from everyone else.

"Skirts." Hidan convulsed.

"Lipstick." Kisame shivered.

"We still have each other." Kisame whispered.

Hidan nodded. The two hugged each other. To keep their manliness alive they whispered quietly about the gym, fishing and any other manly things they could think of.

"You both are pathetic." Sasori muttered.

"Agreed." Kakuzu said while looking up from his newspaper.

"Were they ever manly?" Deidara questioned.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeh. Probably not." Zetsu frowned.

Itachi began to speed up like a maniac. "You should all stop distracting me. How about you find your rooms and pray we don't crash." He turned away from the road and smirked at them.

"ITAAAACHI PAY ATTENTION TO THE ROAD!" Hidan and Kisame shouted.

"Oi." Kakuzu got up and dragged Kisame away, following with Sasori doing the same with Hidan.

"I'll show you the rooms." Zetsu held onto his wig and led the way.

"Right this way~" Zetkona ushered the group towards the door at the very end of the so called hallway.

Kakuzu used his hand that was not gripping Kisame's t-shirt to open the door. Slowly with much exaggerating, the door began to open inch by inch. After being slightly open, they all could see a mysterious light seeping through. They were all too stunned to move.

Hidan kicked the door open causing it to slam against the wall "Enough with this bullshit." And the mysterious light then faded; in fact it hadn't existed at all.

"W-what." Deidara was confused.

"THE LIGHT IS GONE." Kisame said louder than necessary.

"It is." Kakuzu nodded once.

"T-the the light... it's gone." Zetsu was near tears.

"Huh?" Hidan's forehead scrunched.

"The Light... You Made It Vanish." Sasori wore a blank expression.

"Eh? What light?" Hidan scratched his head.

"Bastard." Kakuzu glared at the violet eyed male viciously.

Hidan raised both of his hands up as to surrender, "H-hey now... Kakuzu don't look at me like that."

"You... I don't understand why but I'm very upset the light is gone." Zetsu looked up at Hidan with evident disappointment.

"I'm sorry. I didn't see a light." His hands fluttered around Zetsu trying to find a way to comfort him.

His hand was grabbed soon after by Sasori. "You're sorry, aren't you?" Sasori smiled.

"Yeah... I guess." The Jashinist kept level eye contact with the male, suddenly wishing he didn't when he noticed the change in Sasori's expression.

"Good, very good. Now you will repay us for our loss, do you understand?" His eyes glinted wickedly.

Hidan didn't like the sound of this, but he hated owing anyone. If anything he'd repay them and maybe ask Yahiko when the drugs he gave them would wear out. "Of course."

"Even better. Now Hidan, the payment we ask for is very simple. All you have to do is..." Sasori trailed off.

"All I have to do is..?" he questioned.

"All you have to do is give us... YOUR EYES!" Sasori's smiled baring teeth this time.

"What?" Hidan's eyes widened.

"You heard him give usssss your eyesssss." Kisame, Kakuzu, Zetsu and Deidara said while staring at the silver haired male expectantly.

"What the fuck man? My eyes? Much as I like you guys I'll have to refuse your shitty offer." He crossed his arms, standing his ground.

"Exxxxxxpected of my rival." Kisame moved slowly towards Hidan.

"Oh yessssss. We were guessssssing that'ssss what your responssse would be." Deidara wrapped his arms around Hidan's waist and rest his head on his shoulder blade.

"Kyaaa." Hidan jumped with a start.

"Yessssss. I have the ssscapel. Procccceed with the sssurgery." Kakuzu handed the sharp tool over to Sasori.

"Thanksss. Deidara hold him sssteady." The redhead looked up at Kisame. "On sssecond thought, you help too."

"Lord Jashin I'll give you a sacrifice later, save me!" _They've completely lost it. I could break out of his grip easily... before Kisame gets involved. BUT THIS IS DEIDARA-CHAAAAN AND I CANNOT HURT MY FUTURE WIFE. Give my fiancé a bruise or lose my eyesight... give my fiancé a bruise or lose my eyesight... in a gruesome fashion? Ugh. Fuck this shit man. _

"Alright." Kisame attempted to restrain Hidan.

Hidan easily slid out of Deidara's grasp and ran towards Itachi.

"ITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACHI! Save me save me. Dear Jashin they're crazy! We're going to die. Let's bail out. When do the drugs wear out?! Who gave them drugs? OhJashinohjashinohjashinohjashin." Hidan landed on Itachi who just parked at a gas station.

"Hidan?" Itachi yawned.

"I SAID THEY'RE COMING." He shook Itachi.

"Who is and would you mind getting off of my lap?" Itachi could care less since, he's been driving for hours and he barely got sleep last night; Sasuke brought a girl home. Anyhow, he just wants to sleep; not cuddle Hidan and ward off the boogie man.

"Nevermind that we have to go now." Hidan whispered with great urgency.

"Tsk. I'll check under the bed for you and tuck you in. Don't expect anything else from me and to be clear, I am not carrying you to bed. You're too heavy." Itachi tapped his chin thoughtfully, "We'll find a way for you to pay me back."

"BASTARD YOU CANNOT HAVE MY EYES!" Hidan clicked the button which opened the doors and ran.

The raven haired male scratched his head. "When did I ask for his eyes?" he muttered.

As they walked out of the hallway Kisame and Kakuzu burst into fits of laughter along with Deidara, Sasori and Zetsu.

"Did you see his face?" Deidara managed between giggles.

"He thought we were insane." Kakuzu chuckled.

Zetsu smiled brightly, "You're pretty clever Kisame."

"No no it's nothing." He said while placing his arm around Sasori's waist. "Sasori helped me out."

The red head smirked. "I'm pretty good at acting, if I do say so myself."

Itachi's eyebrow arched. He waited until they quieted down. "Mind sharing the joke?"

"We would..." Deidara stifled a laugh.

"But..." Kakuzu added.

"THE JOKE," Zetsu continued.

"RAN AWAY!" Kisame and Sasori exclaimed.

They all fell onto the couch laughing their asses off, excluding Itachi.

Hidan was probably right, Itachi thought. There's no way in hell Sasori and Kakuzu would laugh so freely unless they took some kind of drug. "By joke I'm assuming you mean Hidan, correct?"

"Perceptive as always, Itachi-kun." Sasori stuck his tongue out.

"Hmm." _Sarcasm?_

Kakuzu sighed and proceeded to tell the "joke". "As you can see, Hidan has too much pride. He would not land on your lap without a reason, no?"

"That was extremely out of character, even for him." Itachi agreed.

"We just scared him." Zetsu grinned.

"Convinced him we wanted his eyeballs." Kisame added.

"Claiming we saw some sort of foolish light coming out of the door." Sasori scoffed.

"Devastated when he made it disappear." Deidara giggled.

"Ah well. That's nice, I suppose." Itachi headed towards the exit.

"Where are you going?" Kisame questioned.

"To bring him back obviously." Itachi shook his head. No wonder Hidan thought he wanted his eyeballs…

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"Hidan." Itachi called to the male who was sitting on a rock.

"Itachi?" he looked up at the raven haired male.

"Let's go back baka."

The jashinist sighed. "They tricked me?"

"Duh." Itachi shook his head. "They were testing out your manliness. I must say, you passed with flying colours." He snorted.

Hidan brushed invisible dust off his sweater. "Whatever."

"You can redeem yourself later, let's head back." Itachi gestured for him to follow.

"Nah— Hidan said as he got up, I can redeem myself right now."

"Hmm.." Itachi cocked his head slightly. "How do you plan to do that?"

"Sorry." Hidan simply said.

"WHAA-?!" Itachi yelped when Hidan suddenly picked him up off the ground.

"Chill out." Hidan hoisted the male over his shoulder.

"Asshole. I Give You Ten Seconds To Put Me Down." The disgruntled male said slowly.

"Ten seconds to get to the bus? Okay." Hidan smirked.

Itachi glared at the floor. Hidan had no intention of putting him on the floor so; he pounded on his back as hard as he could. "Put me down." He wailed.

"Calm down Tachi. You're making me seem like some weird kidnapper." He picked up his pace.

"You're making yourself look like that. Ugh. This is so embarrassing." Itachi went limp.

"Sorry. Are you okay?!" Hidan suddenly came to a standstill.

"Shut up and keep moving. I'm hiding my face and making it seem like I fainted." He murmured.

Hidan did a battle cry and ran right into the bus.

"Woah!" Deidara jumped in surprise.

The rest quickly noticed the object Hidan was carrying.

"What's wrong with Itachi?" Kisame ground his teeth together.

"Play along." Hidan whispered.

"Fuck you, Asshole." Itachi punched Hidan, out of the sight of others.

Hidan ran his fingers through his hair. "Some fuckers picked a fight."

Kakuzu frowned. "He's alright?"

"Of course, I was there." He patted Itachi's backside. "He should wake up soon."

"Bastard... I Will Kill You." Itachi half snarled.

"Okay, I'll come to your room later." Hidan whispered seductively.

"Tch, you better. I still have to claim your eyeballs." Itachi convulsed in silent laughter.

"Looks like he's waking up." Kisame got up and ran towards the two. He took Itachi off of Hidan's shoulder and cradled him. "Poor Tachi."

Itachi punched Kisame in the jaw. "I'm not your child."

Kisame didn't budge an inch. "Glad you're alright." He genuinely smiled and put the smaller male down.

"Yeah yeah. I'm fine." He grunted.

Zetsu grabbed a hold of his hands. "What happened?"

"Ehh. I can't remember." He looked away. As much as he wanted to slap Zetsu, he looked like Konan and Itachi would never hit a girl, for any reason; even if it was a valid one.

"You can't drive. I will, go get some rest." Kisame hopped into the driver's seat.

"If you insist." Itachi staggered as he walked towards his room.

"Hidan you should help him." Zetsu exclaimed.

"Huh?" Hidan had a clueless expression on his face.

Deidara placed his hand on his shoulder. "I had no idea you were so manly." He purred.

Sasori and Kakuzu looked at each other with the same expression; they were both trying hard not to laugh.

"Ah." His face heated up. "I'll help Itachi right away." He steadied the raven haired male.

Itachi groaned in annoyance. "Hurry."

"Right right." Hidan and Itachi were quickly further than an earshot away.

"That was priceless." Kisame guffawed

"Itachi's covering for him too. Saw how tense he became when Hidan patted his backside?" Kakuzu picked up his newspaper again with a smirk on his face.

"He's too cute." Deidara said while reading the newspaper with Kakuzu.

"I wouldn't call his reaction cute." Zetsu snorted and added, "But, Itachi probably feels sorry for him."

"Pathetic." Sasori grinned.

"You guys are." Hidan crossed his arm.

"Oh look at the badass leaning against the wall." Kisame winked at the violet eyed male.

"Gross. Don't do that again." Hidan stuck his tongue out at the blue haired male.

"Does it look good when I do it?" The blonde winked towards Hidan.

Hidan froze for a second and turned away and blushed. "Mhm." He muttered.

"Cute." Deidara smiled coyly.

"Okay okay. I didn't finish showing you guys your rooms." Zetsu quickly stood up, saving Hidan from embarrassment.

Kakuzu looked up from his newspaper AGAIN. "When will I be able to read my newspaper?" Kakuzu's icy gaze pierced Zetsu.

"I promise It won't take longer than a minute." he cringed.

"Zetsu, hurry up. I need to drive us to the lake." Kisame ushered him towards the hallway.

"That's all you think about." Sasori mumbled along with a bunch of other things.

"That's not true, I think about you all the time." Kisame scratched his head and smiled sheepishly.

"Practically a confession." Hidan whispered.

"Speak of those matters elsewhere." Kakuzu grumbled.

"Cute." Deidara added.

"Just fuck already." Zetsu said rather loudly.

The red head flicked Zetsu's forehead. "I won't be hearing that from a crossdresser."

"Itachi made me dress up!" Zetsu whined.

"Sasoriiiiiiiii! Don't ignore me." Kisame frowned.

"I'm not." Sasori looked away.

"Here we are." Hidan announced. He opened the door, SLOWLY this time.

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"Oh god." Kisame's jaw dropped.

"This is worse than I imagined." Sasori eyed the room suspiciously while patting Kisame's back.

Kakuzu put an arm around Hidan's shoulder. "Breathe. The closet has to be worse and luckily you are not sleeping in there so, cheer up."

The pale male took a deep breath and nodded.

Deidara was the first to walk into the room, touching dresses and other outfits as if they were fragile. "He's definitely gained my respect, fashion wise anyways. This fabric is top of the line, so are all the outfits; custom made. However, I can't place the designer. Hmm…" he trailed off.

"Trade rooms." Kisame pleaded, latching onto Sasori's shirt.

"I rather not." The blonde frowned. "I wouldn't be able to sleep."

"Question. Why are we sleeping in the vehicle?" Sasori raised an eyebrow. "Aren't we going to a cottage?"

"HE'S RIGHT. " Kisame nodded rapidly.

Hidan followed suit. "We don't have to sleep here?"

"Well, turns out the house has an infestation of some sort." Zetsu shrugged.

"Lovely." Sasori scowled.

"Indeed." Kakuzu mimicked his tone.

"Now to the closet!" Zetsu dashed towards the stunning door.

"Zetsu were you in here earlier?" Kisame questioned.

"Hmm? No." Zetsu stared at the tall male oddly.

"Oh." He scratched his head. "I was just wondering cause, you seem like you're cosplaying as Konan."

Sasori tried to pull Kisame's hand off of his shirt; however his grip was too strong.

Kisame noticing what Sasori wanted quickly released the shorter male's shirt. "Sorry."

The redhead waved dismissively. "If you didn't fall asleep you would have known Zetsu is only pretending to be Konan for Yahiko, since Itachi and he came up with some ridiculous plan to keep her from coming."

"Ah." He nodded slowly.

Zetsu opened the double doors. Inside were various sorts of wigs and cosplay related to sailor moon. There were also various fan items. Such as pillows, figurines, key chains, dvds, etcetc.

"I see. Kisame we're sleeping in here on _**that**_." Kakuzu's eye twitched erratically.

Kisame smiled despite his fear, their sleeping space was bothering Kakuzu as well. "What's wrong Kakuzu?"

"It's a pink bed?" Hidan speculated.

Deidara turned away trying to hide his laugh with a cough.

"Nothing." He grunted and sat on the bed.

"Don't get too comfy Kazu. We still have to show Deidara his room." Zetsu said in a sing song voice.

"I'm sure it's pretty normal." Deidara sat beside Kakuzu.

"I'm going to get this thing moving. I want to go fishing." Kisame sulked.

"Fine guys. But, I still have to explain the contest and stuff." Zetsu perked up.

"Let's hear this." Hidan flung himself onto the bed.

"Hey!" the blue eyed male exclaimed. "I almost fell off."

"Watch what you're doing." Kakuzu scowled.

"Sorry Dei. Stop being such a grouch, Kazu." Hidan rolled his eyes.

Kisame crossed his legs and sat on the floor, along with Sasori. "We're listening."

"Hmph. Complaining like you guys are the only ones that have to endure this trip." Zetsu crossed his arms.

"Stupid. You didn't have to come." Hidan rolled his eyes.

"I recall so." The tanned male added.

"It's not so bad." Kisame smiled.

"I have to sleep in the same room as Yahiko." Zetsu sighed.

"Your choice. Anyhow get on with the explanation." The jashinist snuggled one of the pillows on the bed.

"That's so not my pillow." Kisame glanced at Kakuzu.

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow. "Oh? That pillow, sure it's yours."

Kisame mumbled to himself. No point in opposing Kakuzu, he could be scarier than Itachi, Sasori and Deidara combined on their bad days.

"Ah this is Kisame's pillow?" Hidan perked up.

"No." Sasori stated.

"It is." Kakuzu said at the same time.

The two looked at each other afterwards.

"Hmm." Kakuzu murmured

"Anyways, Konan picked out pyjamas and shit…" Zetsu interrupted. "They're kind of cute." He tacked on thoughtfully.

"Give Kakuzu the pink ones." Sasori smirked.

"Give Sasori the one that comes with the skirt." Kakuzu efficiently countered.

"Skirt?" The red head questioned.

"Ah, you don't know? Kisame likes skirts." Kakuzu said while crossing his legs.

The two went back and forth arguing about all sorts of things for a good hour or so, by the time they were finished an hour had already passed.

"This is boring." Hidan yawned.

"Aren't you both tired of this?" the blonde asked, concerned for both.

"It's already 3 in the afternoon." Kisame looked at cell. "Besides we have four more hours to go. I'm going to drive." He said while walking out of the closet.

The others nodded and watched him leave.

"Childish." Zetsu crossed his arms.

"I couldn't agree more." Itachi eyed the two males carefully.

"When did you get here?" Zetsu gasped.

"As soon as Kisame left." The onyx eyed male stated.

Hidan threw a pillow at Itachi. "Shaddup Tachi you're messing with my beauty sleep." The silver haired male grumbled.

Itachi skillfully caught the pillow and swiftly threw it back. "Wake up princess."

It hit the said male with a thud. Hidan sat up and winced. "Ouch. Why'd it hurt?"

"Itachi's a pillow fight expert." Deidara grinned.

"Now now." He smiled smugly. "That's not the point." His demeanor changed immediately. "You two are the oldest, act like it." He said sternly while pointing towards a certain redhead and a brunette.

"How's your butt?" Sasori asked.

"My what?" Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"Your butt." Sasori repeated.

"Hidan saved you, huh? I expected more from you, Itachi." Kakuzu shook his head.

"Mhm." Sasori nodded in agreement.

"What are you on about?" Hidan questioned.

Itachi sighed. They knew. "Nevermind that. I can't do anything about the rooms but, I can't stop the foolish sleeping requirements and cosplay contests."

Kakuzu and Sasori shared a look. "That's more like you, Itachi."

"Yeah yeah. I'm going to nap." He muttered while walking away.

"Blackmail?" Deidara eyed the two suspiciously.

"Something of the sort." Kakuzu kicked Hidan off the bed and lied down.

"What was that for?!" Hidan exclaimed as he fell off the bed.

"I don't want to lie down with you." Kakuzu snuggled the pillow beside him.

"Whatever." Hidan got up and brushed himself off. "I'm going back to the living room. Anyone else coming?"

"Sure." Sasori held out a hand.

Hidan took his hand and helped him up. He waved at the others and left the horrid closet with Sasori.

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"You were in a hurry to get out of there." Sasori openly stared at the male who daydreaming while looking out the window.

"Hmm?" Hidan replied a minute or two later.

"Nothing." Sasori smirked.

**A/N: **I sincerely apologize to those who actually take their time to read this. I haven't had much time to write lately. (Pretty busy with school and other things) I hope you're all happy about this chapter. It's slightly longer than the others. Good news is I'm about half way through chapter four. I appreciate all the reviews and such. Also for the next chapter, it's going to be in Hidan's point of view. ;D I'm definitely struggling to get his personality right since, I haven't watched Naruto in awhile. And most of you are caught in the pair thing. I'm definitely leaning for HidaDei, so I WILL develop their relationship, however I'll y'know make it possible without scaring away those here for my awesome jokes ;DDD (No, I'm just flattering myself.) Okay enough with the mindless bantering. PLEASE REVIEW GUYS. /Will try to update sooner.


	4. Chapter4 Jashinists and their sacrifices

**CHAPTER 4: Jashinists and their sacrifices. **

**Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me it never will, all I'll ever own is this plot. **

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"You were in a hurry to get out of there." Sasori openly stared at the male who was currently day dreaming whilst looking out the window.

_I couldn't help but let my mind wander loose after dealing with everyone's bullshit. Jeez. I'm manly as hell. Are you kidding me? That prank sucked more dick than Kisame which isn't surprising enough considering he came up with the idea; according to Sasori anyways. I'll come up with something better by the end of this trip, or I could just out fish the cunt. _

"Hmm?" I looked over at the redhead._ I didn't even notice him talking to me. _

"Nothing." He smirked.

My eye's narrowed as I observed the redhead's expression. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"No reason in particular." His smirk increased by a few millimeters.

I scratched my head and gave my attention to the window yet again.

_Everyone's been acting all fucking weird. Like shit. Going around acting as if they know something I don't. I probably missed something minor. This whole day has been "weird" in a sense. On top of that, Deidara's been flirting with me. OPENLY. IN THE PUBLIC. SHAMELESSLY. Not that I mind. I've been waiting for a friggin' advancement. _

"You're such a pervert Hidan, making all those kinds of faces~ stop thinking about sheep!" Zetsu exclaimed as he sat down beside Sasori.

"Yellow sheep?" Sasori uncharacteristically clamped a hand over his mouth; trying to hold in the hysterical laughter threatening to pour out.

"Drugs aren't good for you." I said before sighing. _Seriously, they all need to stop taking that shit and I need to stop making funny faces while I think?_ I frowned.

"No no!" Zetsu shook his head back and forth. "Hidan doesn't treat sheep well."

"Sheep aren't yellow and what are you on about Zetsu? I treat them the best." I emphasized by flinging my arms out in a grand gesture. _Yellow sheep what?_

"What do you mean?" Sasori inquired, the gesture had caught his attention.

_Well I mean I give them nice bathes in their own blood for Lord Jashin, right after I slowly kill them savoring their deaths as a little kid would with his cereal in the morning. But you know if you brought this kind of thing up in a regular conversation, your friend or whoever was around you would think you're some sick bastard. Which, you probably are. I mean I am and condemn you… no me to hell. _

"Hidan's horrible. He goes to farms and - MMPHMNPH!" I half jumped out of my own skin just to cover Zetsu's mouth "and you'll never know unless we pass by some sort of farm." I let go as soon as I figured he would keep quiet.

_I sighed in relief. That was too close. Just too close. Zetsu's an unbelievably good friend. He doesn't mind the few kinks I have. _

"Do you see that Hidan?" The red haired male nudged Hidan, his tone suggestive.

"Oh dear." Zetsu covered his face.

"What?" I eyed them both suspiciously.

Sasori pointed towards the window. I looked over, pure reflex.

Right there in the middle of nowhere a farm, a farm with fucking sheep. I shrugged nonchalantly despite the sudden horror outside. "I've been neglecting Jashin." _Are you fucking kidding me though? _

"Kisame~~ stop the car." Sasori called to his roommate. "Again with the petty religion, It requires you molesting sheep?" he rolled his eyes.

Zetsu stifled a laugh. "Not yellow ones." The two shared a look of understanding.

I glared at them and waited for the vehicle to stop.

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As expected, Kisame stopped the car for Sasori.

He slid out of the driver's seat—quite graceful, for a brute such as himself and appeared before us within seconds.

"Why are we stopping?" The blue monster questioned.

"Hidan." Sasori answered.

"Idiot. We're already behind." He said before smacking me in the head.

"Ouch!" I winced and rubbed my head while giving him that look that says; 'I really like eating sushi, so keep annoying me'

"Saso-chan, you devil. You wanted Kisame to stop." Zetsu laughed.

Meanwhile Fish breath who hadn't stopped hitting my head, FINALLY realized I was not at fault.

"Sorry." He scratched his head, sheepishly.

"That's alright Kisame." I nodded slowly.

He sighed in relief.

"Like hell I'd say that. Die bastard." I tackled the taller male, skillfully placing him in my favorite submission hold- SUSHI. Ironic huh?

Kisame laughed exuberantly, "I usually get out of this one you know."

I tightened my hold and smirked. "I've been perfecting it. You shouldn't be able to."

"Good grief." Sasori kicked both of us without remorse. "Stop acting like children. I want to see this so-called sheep ceremony."

Kisame grimaced before laughing off the pain. "Sorry sorry."

I on the other hand didn't receive some kind of light kick from the devil spawn. Gritting my teeth, I still managed to smile despite the pain. "Now that's what I call a kick. Take a few notes from your boyfriend." I gestured towards the short male who only rolled his eyes in response.

"I can't tell if you're a sadist or a masochist." Kisame said before grabbing my hand on his own accord and pulling me upright.

"Thanks asshole." I brushed off my ass and fixed my hair.

"He probably doesn't know himself." A certain blue wig wearing male whispered a bit too loudly in Saso's ear.

"Why bother whispering if I can still hear you?" I scowled.

"That's the point." He whispered again.

Irritated as I was, I dragged them all. And I mean ALL of them out of the bus and towards the farm.

"Hey hey!" Kisame shouted as I tugged him in that direction along with Sasori who's hand was being held by the taller male.

"You don't need to pull me along with you." The redhead tugged Kisame's sleeve.

"Or me~" Zetsu whined, "I've seen this a thousand times."

"Stop complaining." I said as we walked onto the steps of the farmhouse. I banged on the door a few times.

"Rude." The brown eyed male shook his head in disapproval.

"What are you doing?" Kisame wondered aloud.

"Buying a sheep." I rolled my eyes. _How idiotic can someone be? _

"Just kidnap one and let's go." Sasori tapped a foot impatiently.

"That's called stealing." Zetsu frowned.

"Mhm." Kisame crossed his arms.

"We have somewhere to be." He reminded them.

"I'm buying a sheep; it's the honorable thing to do." I knocked again.

"Honorable." Sasori snorted. "You had such a large word in your vocabulary?"

"I'm coming. RELAAAAAAAAAX FUCK!" A voice coming from inside suddenly yelled.

"One of those." I grumbled. _I hate their fucking types. They're just as rude as myself, this is going to be pretty annoying. _

"One of what?" A blonde haired woman, mid-thirties opened the door widely.

"Annoying old hags, you know." I muttered under my breath.

"Boys from the city, huh? I'll have you know I'm still in my prime." She placed her hands on her hips.

"Yes yes." Sasori gestured. "Can we speak to the man in charge?"

The woman stared at him like he referred to her as a peacock dressed in a flamingo costume.

"Man in charge?" she snapped.

"Oh?" Sasori's eyebrow rose involuntarily. "You're in charge?"

_I swear I saw a vain pop, no maybe two. Hell… she's fuming and I don't blame her. I suppose Sasori's kind of sexist and this woman might kill us because of his stupidity. _

"I hate men like you." She huffed.

"I do too." Zetsu fixed his wig.

She jabbed a finger in his direction, "You are not fooling anyone."

"Hey madam, I just want to buy a sheep off of you and we'll be on our way." I asked courteously, trying to be polite.

"Do I Look Like A Madam To You?" Twitch.

"No ma'am. I was trying to be polite and yeah sorry. You're too young to be a madam. More like a young lady." _I began babbling. I wonder who she'll kill first. Sasori? Or am I asking to die? _

"Oh?" Twitch.

"He means you're a pretty farm lady." Kisame complimented, which only seemed to tick her off more, as if we could make this any worse.

_I don't think we really need a sheep anyways. _

"Tasteless joke, Kisame." Sasori snorted. "Look at her breasts; she looks like a dairy cow overflowing with milk. I can see why she lives on a farm.

_I swear my eyes just about popped out of their sockets. Here I am trying to avoid death and this bastard's encouraging it. She probably wants to kill him the most, even before his last comment. _

Zetsu realizing the woman was about to go ballistic raised both hands as if to surrender. "Hey miss its okay we don't need any sheep."

Kisame catching on just as quick took a step back. "Right, we don't."

_Hey lady, if it makes you feel any better, I think fucking blonde bitches is the best hobby I have. Gahahaha. As if I'd ever say that out loud._

Zetsu and Kisame stared at me, jaw slackened as if I just gave birth to a ladybug.

I gave them both a confused look. _Huh? _

"You said it aloud." Sasori's lips curved into a tiny smile.

_OH SHIT. _

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"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA." The woman's laughter boomed.

Sasori crossed his arms and examined the blonde carefully. "Funny isn't it? Anyhow I want a cow, Now."

"A sheep." Zetsu corrected him.

"Hmm." Kisame murmured.

"Right, that's what we want; a sheep." He acknowledged.

I feel like she should have reacted differently. Well I did compliment that bitch in a way.

"This is why I love city boys." She quieted down a bit. "Always with the attitude and manners. Give me a second." She said as she slammed the door behind us.

"Strange woman." Sasori shook his head.

Zetsu shuddered. "That was close."

"You're right." Sasori used his fingers to show an inch. "She was this close to blowing up."

"You were provoking her, you little shit!" I glared at the short male.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I love challenging strong women."

"We've seen Konan in action. It's not wise." Kakuzu clasped his hands on both Zetsu and Kisame's shoulder while shaking his head.

"It's not like she could have done much anyways." Sasori smirked.

"When did you get here?!" They both jumped.

"A few minutes ago." Sasori snorted.

"I was wondering why we had stopped." He rolled his eyes. "A cow?"

"A sheep." I corrected him. Ah hell. This is just getting better.

"I'm simply curious." Sasori shrugged.

"You can feed your curiosity another time. We have to get there before its dark." The tanned male crossed his arms.

"Right?" I said while breaking away and heading towards the bus.

"Kisame."

"On it." The blue haired male grabbed Hidan's collar.

"HEY! Let go of me." I didn't even have to turn around to know it was friggin' Kisame.

"Nope." He said while dragging the silver haired male back onto the porch.

Sasori smirked. "Wait till she gets back, we'll buy the sheep not steal it. I thought you wanted to be honorable."

I grimaced. "We could just go."

"We can wait a few minutes, I suppose. Jashin needs you to molest the sheep." Kakuzu coughed.

I glanced sideways at the tall male. "I thought you said my religion was stupid."

"It is. However, that doesn't mean I don't listen to what's being said."

"Fucking atheist" I tapped my foot impatiently.

"What is taking that god awful woman so long?" Sasori scoffed.

Right on cue, the door opened silently.

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"Sorry boys. I didn't mean to take so long but-"

"Lead us to the sheep." Sasori commanded.

"You really should have let me finish. Now you won't have a chance to run." The blonde haired woman cocked her shotgun and pointed it in Sasori's direction.

"Are you seriously that mad?" Sasori shook his head in disbelief.

…

…

Oh shit.

Grabbing Zetsu and Kakuzu we ran like mad.

"What about Kisame and Saso?" Kakuzu looked back.

"DO YOU THINK SASORI'S GOING TO RUN? NO. HE HAS TOO MUCH PRIDE." I shouted.

"AND KISAME WON'T LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Zetsu called out.

We were only about a minute away when that crazy bitch noticed we were gone.

"You guys are not getting away!" She chased after us, shooting at various intervals. Only missing us by a few inches each time.

**BOOM! **

Zetsu nearly got hit by the last shot. "How long are we going to be able to dodge these things?!"

"Technically, we're not dodging them. She's just missing." The green eyed male grinned.

"Are you both crazy? We need to get out of here now." I said while muttering a string of profanities.

"Hidaaaaan~ What does your bucket list look like?" Zetsu began matching my pace.

**BOOM! **

"Bucket what?" I looked over my shoulder. The crazy woman was loading her gun again.

Kakuzu followed my direction of focus. "I hope she killed Sasori first."

"That makes two of us." I laughed like an idiot.

"Things you want to do before you die. DUH HIDAN." Zetsu rolled his eyes.

"Oh. Well, there's a few things." I frowned. _Although I don't think I could possibly think of them right now. Not when I'm about to get I don't know SHOT?! _

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"She's one crazy woman." The redhead watched the scene happening some distance away.

"I thought she wanted to kill you." Kisame hugged the shorter male from behind.

"You would have allowed her to?" Sasori looked above from under the taller male.

"Of course not." He tightened his hold.

The redhead smiled slightly before turning his head towards the others. "We should help them."

Kisame raised an eyebrow. "And how would we do that?"

"I have a few ideas…"

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"Can't you chant some sort of spell?" Kakuzu snorted.

"What the fuck? A SPELL? WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?! I don't know any spells." I scowled at the older male. _How the hell am I supposed to know whack spells? Jashin has no time for petty things like this. _

"I THOUGHT JASHIN COULD DO EVERYTHING!" Sasori yelled from the porch.

"Jashin?" The blonde haired woman stood still.

I skidded to a stop after hearing her utter his name, Kakuzu and Zetsu stopped a few seconds afterwards.

"Why are we stopping?" Kakuzu questioned.

"I think we should keep running while she's stunned." Zetsu whispered all too loudly.

"Are you also a Jashinist?" Curiosity got the better of me. _What if it's the opposite? What if some psycho killed all of her family for the sake of Jashin. Then I'm screwed. _

"I am." She looked at the silver haired male with the same curious glint in her eyes.

"Great. I was right, she's a Jashinist as well." Sasori walked towards us with Kisame right behind him.

"Don't tell me he's one too." She jabbed a finger in the short male's direction.

"Of course not." I facepalmed. _How did he know? AND how on earth could you mistake Saso for one of us? _

"I'm sorry about earlier. My name's Tsunade." She held out her hand for him to shake.

"It's alright. No one's hurt." I held her hand firmly. _She's feisty and blonde. It's my lucky night. _

"HIDAN ARE YOU FORGETTING THE PART WHERE SHE NEARLY SHOT US?!" Zetsu shook his fist like an old person complaining about kids walking on their lawn.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "We didn't get shot, its fine."

"B-but…" Zetsu whined.

"It's fine." Kakuzu said sternly.

"I'm Hidan, if you haven't already figured that out." I winked as seductively as a free sheep would amount to. _Come on. We're talking free sheep here. _

"Don't look at me like that. I'm married." Tsunade smacked the back of my head and gestured for us to follow her.

"Ouch." I muttered.

Kakuzu and Zetsu pointed at Hidan's head while chuckling very quietly. As for Sasori well, he feels pretty smug since his prediction was correct.

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"That went better than I had predicted." Sasori smugly stated.

"...Are you fucking kidding me?" I glared at the little short fuck.

"What do I do with this thing." Kakuzu pointed at the sheep he was towing along.

"I'm going to sacrifice it." I sighed.

"Didn't expect anything more of you." the tanned male rolled his green eyes.

"Do you guys know where the bus is?" Zetsu looked around.

"Now that I think about it... we've been here before." Kisame looked around.

"Silly. We're not going to splatter sheep blood all over the bus." Sasori smirked devilishly.

"I swear you're more into this than Hidan is." Kakuzu eyed the redhead.

"You never know." His smirk widened by a few more millimeters.

"I'll take the lead." the tanned male stepped infront of Sasori.

"I sense bloodbath." Zetsu whispered into my ear.

"I sensed that long before we got here." I muttered. _I wish I hadn't said anything. This is more like a fucking science experiment than anything else. Poor sheep doesn't need to die for science, but Jashin. _

"Here we are." Sasori ignored Kakuzu and pointed to the clearing.

"What is this place?" Kisame questioned.

"It's where we're going to sacrifice the sheep."

_Percy-san: I know, I know. After a few months this could have been waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better. But I hope you all understand exams and writer's block don't mix together. I'll update as soon as I can. Thank you for reading this far. Really appreciate it. And reviews would help a lot. It gives writers more inspiration so they can get the other chapters out. Ciao~_


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